I can't do this anymore
by Talhiri
Summary: A tale of a sadden Revan who's left Bastila and is reliving his departure from the woman he loved as he goes out to destroy the darkness that threatens the Galaxy once again...


**I can't do this anymore**

_

* * *

_

Revan shifted on his feet slightly as the ceremonies continued on and on. He was patient enough, for someone his age; he decided to go through this sort of ritual.

Hell, the amount of times he'd done similar things when he had been in charge of the _Republic _and the _Sith,_ had something similar of a ring to this.

But this time, Revan decided. It was the absolute limit. He was angered that on the one night he had said not to disturb him, they had ignored him and gotten into trouble.

Bastila flinched as some terrible washed over her in a sudden rush; the room began to spin and tilt dizzily as her vision dimmed. Voices began to scream in her mind and she twisted and cried out in a futile attempt to block them out.

_

* * *

"Bastila, here grab my hand…" A warm soft voice spoke to her and then she knew it was her beloved Revan pulling her back up from the well of chaos and despair. _

_"How do I know what this is called?" Bastila wondered as she looked over at Revan who smiled wryly at her. "You know it, because I do…" He whispered and then gave her a critical look. _

_"You can stand now?" _

_Bastila nodded and felt his arm slip around her back and support her as they stood up. _

_"Did everybody see that?" She thought at Revan who shook his head, "no… it was simple to make an illusion of us. No one, not even Jolee or Juhani noticed anything…" _

* * *

And suddenly Bastila was thrown back into the world as the crowd cheered and finally the VIP people were released to go off. 

Revan pulled Bastila away from the crowd easily slipping silently through, the slightly darker corners of the brightly lit ballroom, laughing softly for a minute.

"There." He smiled at Bastila, after he had whirled her around by the waist and deposited her gently onto the ground. "We can do anything now!"

Bastila laughed and looked into his grey eyes. "You don't really mean that do you, love?"

Revan frowned, "Yes I do." He smirked bitterly, "you still don't trust me, the Council doesn't… and the woman I love can't forget to let things go."

Bastila sighed, "No Revan. It's not that… I just… I'm afraid."

Revan let go of her and walked over to the balcony railing. He stared out at the moon for some time as Bastila came to stand besides him.

"I love you, Bastila… and I will do anything. I just want to enjoy what's left of our life." He tilted her chin up and looked into her eyes firmly determined. "Can you love me in turn?" He whispered, letting her chin drop.

Bastila picked up his cold hand in hers and smiled at the impassive face of the man she loved, "yes… I can love you no matter what is behind or ahead of us…" She whispered, pulling him towards the bedroom.

* * *

Revan opened his eyes. 

Bastila was asleep and it was near time. He sat up the darkness and pulled him holo-recorder out, and called upon the Force to create a cone of silence around Bastila as he recorded his last message to her.

"I have to leave. I'm sorry, Bastila… but I don't want to hurt you anymore than what can possibly happen. I left you my lightsaber. The very first one I had every made, all the faults and perfections in it."

He smiled sadly, "if you're ever afraid of falling to the dark-side, then pick up my lightsaber and use it. Only wielders of the light can use this lightsaber, Bastila… Goodbye, my love."

He turned to shut the recording down and let go of the Force and started to climb out of bed when suddenly he flinched.

"Revan, marry me. Don't run away this time."

He turned to face her and shook his head, "no… we shouldn't talk about this…"

"Revan-" Bastila began as HK-47 and T3-M4 were prepping the Ebon Hawk for departure. Canderous looked up twenty minutes later as Revan walked heavily into the Hawk' and slid into the pilot's seat.

* * *

"Everything settled?" Canderous asked in his gruff voice. Revan just nodded and flicked the switches, gunning the Hawk's engines. 

He tapped the communit with the Force, "this is the Ebon Hawk departing."

That was the last ever recorded of him on Shisteri…

_

* * *

"I can't do this. I'll break your heart someday, Bastila. It's not fair to you." _

_The man tensed as his hands on the railing in vain, though all he had to do was call upon the Force to vent his anger, frustration, sadness …pain._

_Bastila Shan stood watching him as Revan faced the moon, looking out over the lake silently._

_Tears coursed down his face as he stared out into the vast emptiness and his face hardened. "Bastila, you're a fool. To love me is to love death, to invite pain openly to your heart and in the end I'll kill you one way or another." _

_He swung around and flung his arms out wide. "I'm a murder and killer. Can't you see that!"_

_Tears shimmered in Bastila's eyes. "You're a hero, Revan." She told him and glared back angrily at the man she loved and now had the courage to admit it._

_"You saved me on the Ashes of Pain, Revan… The darkness you banished…"_

* * *

The holo-emitter switched off as tears filled the grey eyes of the man who had been standing in the holo-recoding once upon a time. 

"And that's why I left you, Bastila; to save you and the galaxy again." A shuddering sob left his chest as Revan stared out at the stars that shone brightly in the cockpit window.

Revan turned around in the chair and flicked the comm. on, "T3 come up to the cockpit and bring HK with you, I need you two to fly the ship while I go and … _meditate_."

HK looked down at T3 who had plugged himself into the Hawk's nav computer. "Pitying statement: Master seems to be mourning the loss of annoying meatbags. It would be better if he could only program his emotions into destroying meatbags."

HK meant well in his own special way; even perhaps a touch concerned, but HK was only an assassin droid that Revan had created. T3 beeped in reply a silence settled in.

The only human sounds too, be heard was that of a man, sobbing alone in his despair.

**

* * *

**

_"Revan, my love…"_

Revan looked up, tears still wet on his face, "Bastila?" He whispered as he stared. "Is that really you?"

Or perhaps not…

* * *

Please **Read** and**Review!**


End file.
